In 2008, at the hospital, in labor with my third, Amalia.
{This post is reminiscent of a post I wrote several years ago, shortly before I gave birth to my fourth, Salem. Somehow, history repeats itself, & I find that self-doubt creeping up again.}
The truth about natural birth, is that, it hurts. A lot.
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night, my head spinning with thoughts of natural birth. Wide awake, I replayed the process, over & over.
You may know I’ve had four natural births so far–so I’m fairly familiar with how it works.
My history:
1st: Hospital birth; induced with lots of magnesium, due to high blood pressure (see this post for more), delivered by a CNM (certified nurse midwife)
2nd: Water birth at home with midwife
3rd: Hospital birth with CNM, pretty easy-peasy
4th: Hospital birth, Salem was posterior, but the CNM was able to “flip” her at the end, before she was delivered
Here’s the thing, I’m an advocate of natural birthing (anyone born & bred of my mother would have to be–if you knew her, you’d know what I mean).
But, somehow, with all of my experience & knowledge I seem to have grown wussier with age & the thought of doing it again, well, to say it’s a daunting task would be an understatement. And to be fair to my sex, I suppose wussy is not the right word. It’s not that I’m wussier, because I don’t think any woman who chooses or is compelled to get an epidural is a wuss or less of a woman in any way. For me, it’s just I KNOW the pain, I know the effort, & at times I don’t know if I’m up for it again.
I actually don’t mind the labor part (just feels like bad cramps that come & go, in my opinion), but once they break my water (which they always have to do once I’m an 8 or 9), & things get serious & close & they start telling me to push, all I can think of is: can you just cut the baby out of me? Can I get an epidural now? Or better yet, just knock me out.
And though the pushing doesn’t last that long, it feels like eternity.
And the pain. The pain of a little person slipping through your womanly parts. It’s as if all the pressure in the world is bearing down on your hips, thighs, pelvis, & for those brief moments I feel I’m on the cusp of hell, peering down at my own death.
Based on my experience, here are just some of the pro’s of natural birthing:
1) You’re in control until the very end, or at least you feel what’s going on in your body. Sometimes you feel like you’re out of control because your body is being taken over by some powerful, otherworldly forces (ie. pain like you’ve never known & some mutant-strength hormones), but you can feel everything, which is a transcendent experience. Similar to the last legs of running a marathon, there is something painfully exhilarating about knowing that you’re almost there, you’ve almost made it, even though death is looking pretty good in those last moments.
2) Once the baby comes out there is intense, inexplicable joy & relief. From that moment on, for me, I ride a high of energy & emotions. Of course I’m physically exhausted, but at the same time I have a rush of happy hormones (& I can never sleep for at least 12 hours afterward I’m so giddy).
3) Baby is alert when born & gets a good cry in immediately (which is good for their lungs). This doesn’t always occur with babies whose mothers have been medicated as it can have a sedative affect on baby.
4) Though I’m a bit shaky afterwards, I can get up immediately & go to the bathroom if needed, on my own (no being hooked up to a catheter, which just the thought makes me cringe).
5) I like to avoid needles if at all possible, & minimize any unnecessary poking or proding. I also don’t like the thought of being numbed & not feeling anything. While it does seem like a nice thought, it also is a bit frightening for some one like me who likes to know what’s going on & feel like I’m in control.
As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, due to my gestational diabetes & high blood sugars, I’m scheduled for induction this weekend. I’m not thrilled at the prospect of being induced (artificial contractions are much more painful than natural ones), but I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again, if need be.
Will I be able to hold on, & have a natural birth? I hope. I don’t know for certain, though.
In the end, in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter if a woman has a baby “naturally” or uses some sort of pain medication?
Though some argue that it in fact is a maker or a breaker, & everyone has their strong opinions for or against (which they are absolutely entitled to), like so many things in life, it’s not always a black & white issue.
I’d love to know what you think. Please share your thoughts.
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