morning walks + how to beat the lonely bug

I live in a subdivision on the outskirts of San Antonio.

Up the road & down aways, is the elementary school where 3 of my kids attend.

It’s only about 1/2 mile away.

The walk there is all sidewalk & once we get out of our subdivision, the road is surrounded by trees & wildflowers. Not the pine trees of the Pacific Northwest, or oaks of the Wasatch Front, of which I’m accustomed, but shorter, more sprawling, bush-like trees & shrubs.

I do the walk twice a day–to take Amalia, my four year old, to preschool at 7:30 each morning, then again to pick her up at 10:30.

I push a double stroller. The girls look at books & I listen to podcasts. It’s a time for me to exercise, to get fresh air, to listen to something entertaining/informative/interesting.

Salem likes getting out of the stroller & runs along side me, or in front, & often doddles along the way.

She picks wildflowers, throws rocks, picks up sticks.

Despite the proximity to the school, I am the only one who walks their kids to school. At first, I found this puzzling. But over time, I’ve realized that walking is unusual to people here.

For example, when I dropped Amalia off at school today, I stood in the school lobby, & waved goodbye to Mali, her Dora backpack strapped to her shoulders. A woman startled me.

“I have just got to commend you!”

Commend me, I thought.  For what? I was eagerly anticipating what she had to say next.

“I can’t believe you walk your kids to school. & every day!”

She went on to explain that though she lived in the neighborhood, & her twins attend the school, she “could never imagine walking every day.”

I was a bit flattered, but not surprised.

Over the months since we’ve lived here, I’m sure everyone who takes their kids to school knows who I am–that crazy lady who walks.

Yesterday, a tattooed man in a truck pulled over to tell me I shouldn’t let Salem walk because he “had killed two rattlesnakes in that area” & I needed to “watch out.” That wasn’t the first time I was advised against walking because of the “wildlife.”

Let me remind you, I’m walking on a paved sidewalk. Not venturing through brush & uncharted dense foliage.

Last week I went to a baby shower of a friend, & all those in attendance were Air Force wives. More than half of those women, will be moving this summer. When I thought about that, & the fact that the reality of military life is a semi-transient one, I was saddened.

Loneliness is something that most people deal with, one way or another, no matter their occupation, age, or marital status. But I think it can be particularly acute for those of us with small children & who stay at home. Double that when you’re a part of profession that requires you to move around a lot & typically live away from any extended family.

Extra efforts must be made to not allow loneliness to get the best of us.

One day, I was down about the fact that it’s just hard to get out & get together with other women. And when I do, we’re often so busy taking care of our own kids that it’s a challenge (if not downright impossible) to have a steady, uninterrupted conversation.

The more I thought about it, though, I began to realize that I was thinking about social interaction all wrong.

I was compartmentalizing, telling myself that I was having little or no social interaction each day because I wasn’t getting what I thought I needed–uninterrupted time, chatting with girlfriends, going to lunch, getting manicures.

(You know, the stuff of single women, or women without kids, or women with nannies. I fit none of these descriptions.)

The reality is, I’m interacting all day long.

With my kids, with Joseph, with nature, with books, with neighbors & even the people at the library or store. I don’t have to limit my interaction to fit a narrow view of what it means to participate in the greater world.

Further, I’ve realized that loneliness is in large part a result of feeling isolated.

There are a few things I do on a regular basis to ease the feelings of isolation.

Aside from my daily walks, which are such a key ritual to staying connected, I:

1) Try to begin my day with a spiritual practice–scripture study, prayer, mediation. Some days it’s nothing more than a prayer, but I have to have at least a moment or two to connect to a higher power & reflect on my faith.

2) This is followed by some sort of exercise.
Yoga is always a good choice for me, because not only do I enjoy the physical aspects, but I get a mental/emotional release from it too. I don’t usually have time for more than 20 or 30 minutes, but even 5 or 10 minutes of breathing or stretching is an amazing way to start my day. Now that our community pool is open & the weather is conducive, I’ll swim laps for 20 or 30 minutes while Joseph is still at home. Then Joseph & I get the kids ready for school (breakfast, dressed, lunches), the boys get on the bus, I get the girls ready for the day, then I walk Mali to preschool.

3) I try to really interact with my kids.
To be present & aware when I’m talking with them. I ask them questions & try to listen to what they have to say. I love laughing with them & catching on to their nuances & subtle facial expressions. Kids are funny, but sometimes I think I don’t pay enough attention to realize the unintentional (& sometimes intentional) hilarity of what they say & do.

4) I call Joseph.
Joseph is very busy throughout the day, so often I can’t talk to him when I want. But it is an unusual day indeed if we go without talking to each other for a few minutes at a time, a few times during the day. We just check in with each other, I’ll tell him what I’m up to, & mostly he listens. I really look forward to our brief, but satisfying conversations.

5) I listen to podcasts.
Some of my favorite are Planet Money, The Moth, Fresh Air, Freakonomics, Coleen Patrick-Goudreau’s Food for Thought, & This American Life. I also listen to the archives of BYU speeches & LDS general conferences. I love how I can fold laundry, do the dishes, or make dinner & at the same time learn from insightful & intelligent people. It totally helps me not feel so alone.

6) I read.
Reading, for me, is one of the best ways not to feel alone. I especially love memoirs or non-fiction, as I feel like the author & I are sitting down for a one-on-one, intimate conversation.
7) I call a friend or family member.
I try to call someone in my extended family or a friend from church at least once a day. Just talking & connecting with someone over the phone for a few minutes is a great way to feel better about life.
8) Have a planned engagement with others.
I’m horrible with play dates. They kinda stress me out. So instead, we often invite friends over for dinner or we meet at a park. I try to do this once a week, but realistically, it happens more like a few times a month.
9) Go to the library.
For me, there is no greater pick-me-up than going to a bustling place filled with people, books, & ideas. And it’s free!  We go at least once a week.
♥♥♥

What’s your list–what do you do to beat the lonely blues? 

 


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