{email to a husband, far away}
J– I just finished putting the kids to bed. Hyrum was the last to go to sleep. You know he hasn’t been feeling well. He has a fever of 101.4. He’s been whiny lately & it’s hard to deal with that. Or at least to have patience, sympathy for it. I read the first 3 chapters of Danny Champion of World to the boys & Mali. Hyrum loves it. After one chapter I was through, but he begged for more. I had to read more. I can’t say no to that boy when he gets excited about reading. It’s such a rare thing. When I tucked him into bed he looked up at me & smiled. The sweetest smile. Oooh, it was cute & my heart melted for a moment.
The kids are all exhausted. I’m exhausted. It’s hard doing the job of two parents. I should be in bed, but of course, I’m not. There are still things to do before bed. And I thought, maybe I could try to email you more frequently. Maybe not daily–I don’t want to set myself up for failure.
I love the idea of snail mail letters, but as experience has shown, it takes forever.
Anyway, I’d love to have a bit more connection to you. I miss you. You’re the only person who really “gets” me. I miss that. I miss having you around to keep me grounded, to help me remember what it’s all about. Because when you’re not around I just turn crazy-psycho work-aholic. A stay-up all night, sort of lady. Not good. At least in the long term. My natural tendency is to be a perfectionist. When you’re around I don’t notice it as much (like I was saying about that whole grounded thing), but when you’re not here, I kinda let it grip me full force. I do too much, sleep too little. I’m happy you’re mine. It thrills me to know you’re somewhere, sleeping soundly, & that you’re mine.
love you, X infinity.
–janae
{see next love note:}
hello, goodbye, it hasn’t been nice not talking
hello, goodbye, it hasn’t been nice not talking
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