Last night was one of those night’s where Salem spent a good deal of time crawling on my head.
You see, the little imp wouldn’t go to sleep despite the clock reading 10:30, then 11:00, then 11:30.
Usually I put her in her crib (ie. a pack & play), she fusses for 1-2 minutes–tosses & turns, kicks off every blanket, curls up into a ball in the corner & falls asleep.
Last night she did not do this. She cried & fussed. For much longer than usual.
So I picked her up, held & rocked her. Sang a few songs. You might call them lullabies, but the only lullaby thing about them is the fact that I try to sing in a soft soothing voice. I take any song I know & sing it this way, so lullaby or no, it (usually) works like a charm.
She liked this. I thought she might be asleep. But the moment I set her down she screamed. Screamed in a way that I knew I needed to just hold her. I sat in the rocker & rocked her for a good while. She fell asleep but when I went to lay her down, there was much screaming, again. This is crazy, I’m bringing her to bed with me, I thought, in my dream-like stupor.
She was excited about that. I was not. She crawled around my head, on top of my head for awhile. Turned, tossed. Laid her feet on my belly.
I lay there, 11:30 at night, thinking, this is why I am not into attachment parenting. I remember researching attachment parenting but stopped once I read the part where you co-sleep with your kids. That is not something that I would like to sign up for. I can barely sleep with my husband. He accuses me of stealing blankets. (What do I know? I’m sleeping.)
I do miss a lot of things about Joseph being gone, but having to share a bed is not one of them. Before you call me soulless & cold hearted, I want to point out I love cuddling. It’s one of my favorite pastimes. But, when it comes to sleeping, I want space. Plenty of space. When we can afford it, we’re getting a California king bed. The bigger the better.
After a restless hour or two of Salem sleeping next to me, I worked up the motivation. Picked up her little warm body. Her balmy, easy breath on my face, & carried her to her room. Slow & soft, lowered her into her crib. Then stumbled back into my bed. Wrapped my blanket around me, laid my head on my pillow. My lips up-turned ever so slightly, a smile of pleasure. Grateful for space.
♥♥♥
Do you co-sleep? Thoughts on sharing a bed?
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