On occasion I have the pleasure of encountering those rare individuals who are hostile, rude, and/or arrogant towards the fact that I am vegan. I say rare, only because I hope that these individuals are rare. I want to believe that most people are kind, sensitive, open-minded, and willing to see a different perspective.
When I do have these jarring encounters I’m taken aback, and reminded that no, not everyone has the same outlook on life as me. And that’s fine.
But what I don’t understand is the lack of tact, the insensitivity, and at times, even the hostility. I can’t help but feel personally attacked, by being singled out and demanded to provide the reason(s) why I’m vegan. After all, I don’t go around demanding that people defend their reasons for eating meat.
A recent experience proved to further educate me to the realities of the world. The fact that there are some who, for whatever reason, are critical of my choices, and cannot be reasoned with.
This event occurred at a gathering of family and friends. I brought several dishes to share as part of the meal. I always try to be thoughtful of the tastes and preferences of the others with whom I will be sharing the meal, so I bring dishes that are familiar, and I hope tasty, and not easily pegged as “vegan.” I just want my food to blend in with all the rest, and hope that people like it.
I don’t go around intentionally inviting discussions about veganism, especially at parties and other gatherings (I do have many other interests besides food and health!). I’m like everyone else, I just want to enjoy food and good company.
That said, I will try to inform and share as seems appropriate, if the situation calls for this. I’m not perfect at it, and am far from being as eloquent as Dr. Popper who recently blew everyone out of the water defending a whole foods diet in front of hundreds.
So on to the encounter.
There was a gentleman, a friend of the family, whom I do not know well personally, but made it very clear and was vocal about the fact that he was not going to try a dish I made, just because it was vegan. This was the only reason. I stated that many people had tried this dish, and really liked it, even the “picky” ones. He let me know, under no circumstances would he touch the dish, he was very well familiar with vegans and their food, stating he used to date one (perhaps this is where the underlying hostility is coming from??).
Our conversation ensued, with him telling me that, “The scriptures are very clear…[about meat eating]” and proceeded into a short diatribe about why being vegan, is wrong. My response was, “Really? I’ve never heard that before.” This of course, was a bit sarcastic, because yes I have heard every argument out there about why vegetarianism apparently, “evil,” against the scriptures, and/or just plain wrong.
On a side note, the reasons behind these attacks are usually based on 1 Timothy 4:3 (from the Bible) and D & C 49:18 (from LDS scripture) (a better discussion about this is found here). I find it rather a twisted way to interpret scripture–does anyone really sit down to a beef burrito or chicken soup or a 16 oz. top sirloin steak and think to themself, “I’m just keeping the commandments here,” as if they are doing their righteous duty by eating animals?
Further, I’ve made it clear before, as I will yet again, that I don’t make being a vegan or vegetarian a religious issue, yet these antagonists do. Meaning, I’m not preaching vegetarianism as doctrinal, which I think is partly what I’m being accused of.
We continued on, and he asked me, “So why are you vegan?”
This of course, was not an honest question one that might be asked among friends, but rather a demand, like “Defend yourself: Why ARE you vegan?!”
Really, I didn’t know what to say. I could just start spewing statistics and quotes, but I knew that would only begin a fight, rather than a respectful discussion. I have no interest in creating contention through heated debate, especially at a dinner party, for heaven’s sake. Trying to present a logical case for veganism to someone who is hostile is like trying to be diplomatic with a terrorist. It just doesn’t work. So I said, “For health reasons.”
This was not good enough for him.
“Why, are you not healthy?”
Sheesh, how do you respond to that? I said, trying to rack my brain for the most appropriate response.
“I changed my diet after I read a book called The China Study.”
This meant absolutely nothing, I might as well have said, “I like pink ponies.”
He continued with the interrogation, and finally I said, “You know, honestly, I just feel better when I eat this way.” This, I think is what I should have said in the very beginning. It stops the argument immediately, because you cannot argue a personal statement.
While my “skin” has gotten much thicker over the years (attributed to the fact that knowledge, experience, and science are my side), I’m not sure I will ever become totally comfortable with these types of hostile encounters. It leaves me thinking, “Who ARE these people who go around, spewing off blanket statements, shot-gun style, with no respect to feelings, tact, or the facts?”
What I know for sure is, is that I am far from being an expert in dealing with conflict gracefully. It’s still upsetting, I take it personally, and I am offended. Perhaps, someday, with practice, I can truly let things roll of my back, and not become emotionally attached.
For now, I hope that sharing this with you, helps you to know you’re not alone, especially if you’ve encountered some criticism or lack of support. Making positive decisions for your life somehow invites all sorts of inquiries: polite, curious, hostile, what have you.
Regardless, keep making the decisions you know to be right, despite the naysayers (who are, so often, overweight and experience poor health and/or a number of health problems, ironically).
When all is said and done, you are the one who has to live with yourself and the health (or lack thereof) you have created.
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