I’m not one of those that is a “mommy” mom.
I don’t know how else to say it.
It’s not that I’m not interested in talking “shop”–diapers, breastfeeding, potty training, & the like–it’s just there are many other things I’d love to discuss.
That said, I’m so glad I decided to share some of my current thoughts & dilemmas with breast feeding.
And looking at my page view stats, it’s an issue you find important too.
(I had triple the amount of page views on that post over any other post from this past week).
You all had a lot to say. Thank you for taking the time to share.
Some of you may have read all the comments, but if not, here’s a recap of some of the comments & my responses.
I’m sorry I couldn’t include them ALL, even though they were all great, thank you for commenting.
I love hearing & learning from you!
5 things you taught me about breastfeeding.
1. Cherish the time & be grateful for the experience.
Michelle writes:
“I have nursed 6 kids […] then I lost my seventh child and I realized how I can never take time back.What I would have given to nurse him. He was stillborn and I am so glad that I didn’t wean my [daughter] when I was pregnant with him. Now I sit down and relax when I breastfed her […] I know how crazy it can get but it forces me to stop, to breathe and to relax.
My oldest is almost 18 and the time has flown. When you have little ones at home (I had five under the age of seven) it is tough. The days seem long and you just want to be “done with that stage”. I wish that when my first son was 12 months I hadn’t rejoiced so much when he weaned.What I would give now for a quiet cuddle on the couch.”
Britney writes about how hard is to not be able to nurse her fourth child like she would like, due to some health problems.
“Now that I’m 4 months into pumping for my fourth who was born with a cleft lip and palate, I would give anything to be breastfeeding my baby. Bottle feeding is such a different ballgame and try as I might, I can’t bond with my breast pump quite the way I bonded with my babies.I wish I could snuggle up in bed with my baby at my breast and comfort him that when he is sad or hurt. I wish I had that something to give that no one else can. I’m glad I can still give my baby breast milk.We are very blessed to have that going for us. But my heart still knows how much more my baby could have. Enjoy this time. It will be over soon enough!”
2. Sometimes it sucks at first (no pun intended). And then it gets better.
Mrs. Vanna Z writes:
“I hated breastfeeding for the first few months. I just cried as she latched on, and bit my tongue as she sucked. I couldn’t wait for it to be over. I dreaded the shower, being bra-less or anything that aggravated my breast. UGH! It wasn’t until she was 5 months old that I started to enjoy breastfeeding her […] I treasure those 3-4 nursings a day. And recently, she’s learned the sign for “milk” and has started reaching/grabbing at my shirt. Those sweet eyes of hers, look into mine […].
Kristen & Atwood Family of 5 also had a rough go of things to begin with, but they both were able to find success.
Kristen:
“I wasn’t able to exclusively breastfeed my daughter (we supplemented with formula) and many have suggested that perhaps it was a result of having a C-section (???). It was a great disappointment to not be able to provide milk for my daughter. I tried all sorts of things to help me produce more milk. I tried herbs, herbal teas, used an supplemental nursing system for a long time and since she was my first I spent all day everyday sitting on the couch nursing.This created a strong breastfeeding bond between the two of us and she just loved to suckle and be close and snuggle even though I didn’t produce an adequate supply. She ended up “nursing” until she was over 2 years old. We had to stop when I got pregnant with our second child and I was too sore to nurse. I am hope, hope, hoping that things will be different with our second daughter and I will be able to breastfeed exclusively.”
Atwood Family of 5:
“My daughter–number 3–is such a blessing!She was born with Duodenal Atresia-which is a medical term for a blocked intestine […] she was not able to take anything by mouth for 5 weeks and was feed through an IV and then through a tube directly into her intestines. She endured 2 surgeries in the first 2 weeks of her life.Once she was able to eat by mouth it was with a bottle so they could be very precise about how much she ate. Too much and it could actually hurt her. I only was able to nurse her a few times in the hospital and at discharge the doctors had me so scared [thinking]that if I breastfed her she’d not get enough to eat and die.We took her home and I decided I would see what happened and if she did need to be bottle fed and not breastfed, then I would choose to be okay with it. She took her first breastfeeding at home about half an hour after getting there and has never touched a bottle since!!I swear, this girl was BORN to NURSE! So I LOVE it with her because we had SUCH a journey to get here. I hope she wants to nurse well past 18 months. I seriously love every second she nurses. She’s currently nearly 10 months old and nurses about 6x a day.”
3. I am not alone in my struggles, joys & conflicted feelings.
Other women are going through the same exact dilemma’s & issues that I am.
Becca agrees. She writes about how nice it is to know we are not alone in our commitment to breast feed:
“It is so comforting to know there are other women who have been through all of this and are offering support in such a compassionate and competent way.”
4. Sometimes persistence is the key to success with breast feeding.
Plant Strong Mamma writes:
“I don’t want to stop nursing.My daughter is 13 months now and is only nursing 2-3 times a day.At some or all the feedings she often will only nurse on one side and scream when I try to offer the other (something she did not do before).My hubby says she may be getting ready to stop, I’m not ready! I love it.I had so much difficulty with it at first. She for the first few weeks nursed fine then started screaming bloody murder when I’d try. This kept happening so I started pumping and offered her the bottle, she loved it. We did this for a few months, I constantly pumped, she drank from a bottle. Then one day she decided she wanted to nurse again and we did until now.”
5. You have got to do what is ultimately best for your baby AND yourself, & don’t feel guilt for it, either.
Many women try & try to make breast feeding work, to no avail.
There are more complex issues at play than just the simple desire to breast feed.
Some babies have emergency surgeries right after birth (as in the case of Atwood Family of 5’s little one). Some women have complications during the birth that disrupt the crucial feeding period immediately after birth. Some women have to pump & have a hard time producing enough milk.
The list goes on & on.
Emalei writes:
“I tried really, really hard to breastfeed, and because of many reasons I will not bore you with, I was unable to. I wanted to breastfeed so bad, but finally had to give it up for my own sanity and for my baby’s health. I will say, everyone in the house was happier once that struggle was over and we finally accepted that formula was going to be the source of our baby’s nutrition.”Emalei demonstrates that sometimes you have to give up trying to breastfeed, as she puts it, “for [your] own sanity & for [your] baby’s health.”
This is what makes motherhood so heart-wrenchingly difficult at times.
There are no clear cut answers & it’s up to you to decide what is in you & your family’s best interests.
On occasion, this means of letting go of how we think things “should” be.
Rachel also brings up an issue that I want to discuss more at length in part 3 of this series, which is how breastfeeding may interfere with your love life.
For her, she decided that a strong intimate relationship is easier to achieve when she isn’t nursing or pregnant (I think that may be true, but I’ve had very little time to test that theory!).
“I’ve never been in a hurry to wean but my older 3 kids did it all by themselves between 12-14 months. It wasn’t much of an effort.However, I actually didn’t get pregnant immediately after weaning my 3rd and I noticed a great increase in my libido.After either nursing or being pregnant for so long I had forgotten I had one!Nursing and pregnancy apparently create hormones that are directly anti-libido. So I have to say that while I am currently nursing my 4th who is 10 months I am so looking forward to being done.Nursing makes me happy but being a woman who has an appetite for her husband is better […] for me, weaning is not about needing my body back, it’s needing my normal hormone levels back. If I could nurse them and feel 100% me, I’d probably heavily encourage my kids to do it until age 2.As it stands though, I’m going to let her nurse until she loses interest like I did with my other ones and hope its sooner rather than later!”
Thank you for helping me gain a better perspective on the issue. (For the record, I’ve decided I’m not going to quit breast feeding anytime soon.)
Join me for Part 3 of this discussion in tomorrow’s post where I’ll talk about breastfeeding vs. the husband (& how breastfeeding can potentially get in the way of a marriage) as well as address some of what Ashlee brings up about how eliminating dairy helped her breast fed baby escape the chronic ear infections.
Please, feel free to add questions for comments about your experience with breastfeeding.
If I can’t answer your questions, perhaps some other reader can, or I can use your comment as part of a future post!
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