My days look something like this.
I wake up (usually around 6:30).
I get dressed & ready in 10 minutes.
I make lunches & oversee the breakfast eating.
I kiss Joseph goodbye.
I send the boys off to the bus.
I walk Mali to school. I eat breakfast & read the NY Times while Salem watches Caliou.
I tidy up the house.
I play with Salem–we read, draw, play with blocks.
I pick up Mali from school & we walk home.
I make her a peanut butter & jelly sandwich for lunch.
I put Salem down for a nap.
I do the dishes.
I help Mali with her “homework” from preschool.
We read books, play barbies.
The boys come home from school.
I help them get an after school snack. We talk about their day.
I help them vacuum or put the dishes away.
We go for a walk , or to the park, or to the pool & swim.
I start dinner.
Joseph comes home.
We eat, then we clean up dinner.
Then baths, pajamas, teeth, stories, & kids to bed.
I read until my eyes get droopy or I watch an episode of Friday Night Lights while I drink rooibos tea.
Joseph & I talk (& other stuff, too).
I fall asleep.
Last night, though, I couldn’t fall asleep.
Our old house, our home in Provo haunted me.
I couldn’t stop thinking about living there, about our yard, those daffodils that bloom the last 2 weeks in April. Tulips, then the lilacs in May. The way the trees shaded our yard. My garden, the grass that is soft & green (unlike the weeds that they call grass, here in Texas). The way I’d open up all the windows to air out the house & sunlight & breeze would filter through. The way I’d leave the front & back doors open. I love that porch, the way Joseph & I would spend cool, summer evenings, talking in the dark. I love the old walls, the high ceilings, those french doors. I even love how the floor of the hallway to the back door slopes the tiniest bit.
We have lovely renters there now. And, hopefully, someday, although we’ll have outgrown the house, once Joseph is done with the military, we’ll live there again. I feel like that place is a part of who I am, a part of our family.
Don’t get me wrong.
There are so many good things about living here in San Antonio. I feel blessed to live in a beautiful, large, new home. But, try as I might to make it feel like home, it will never be our Provo home.
You know, I just miss it. I miss my home.
I made these cookies last night.
After swimming & dinner, Joseph helped the kids clean out our car. I wanted something chocolatey for our Monday family night treat. I recall no-bake cookies being one of my more favorite things to eat, but it’s been ages since I actually made them. A traditional no-bake peanut butter, chocolate cookie is loaded with sugar & fat (duh, that’s why they taste so good). This is a lighter version, with a dark chocolate taste. I also like the addition of powdered sugar, reminds me a bit of Mexican wedding cakes (without the gluten!).
I adapted this recipe from Gina. I added more sweetener (it tasted too “dark” otherwise), used vegan Smart Balance, used real peanut butter, used old-fashioned oats instead of quick, & flattened my cookies (creates more surface area for powdered sugar).
A no-bake, gluten-free, vegan cookie.
Ingredients
- 2/3 c. sugar
- 1/3 c. agave
- 1/2 c. unsweetened cocoa powder
- 2 TBS. non-dairy butter
- 1/2 c. almond milk
- 3/4 c. peanut butter
- 1 tsp. vanilla
- 2 1/2 cups old-fashioned rolled oats (for gf, use gf oats)
- powdered sugar
Instructions
- Combine sugar, agave, cocoa, butter, & milk in a small saucepan. Bring to boil, & using a wire wisk, stir constantly for 2 minutes.
- Remove pan from stove, stir in peanut butter, vanilla until thoroughly combined. Add oats.
- Using a small cookie scoop (about 2 tsp), scoop "dough" into a small bowl of powder sugar. I scraped the top of each scoop, so each cookie was about 2 tsp., keeping the cookies uniform. Coat with sugar, then drop onto wax paper & press lightly to flatten slightly, using palm of hand. Drop flattened cookie into powdered sugar one more time for extra coating.
- Eat immediately, or store in fridge for a few hours before eating (for a fudgier texture).
- Store in fridge in an airtight container for 2-3 days.
Notes
Per cookie: 10 g carbs, 2 g protein, 6 g sugar
♥♥♥
Have you ever deeply connected with a place?
It’s fun to see the breakdown of your day.
Thank you for this recipe! We had guests for last night for FHE and I made them.
I used coconut oil in place of Earthbalance (I didn’t have any) and almond butter in place of peanut butter (my son is allergic) and substituted 1/2 cup of the oats for 1/2 cup shredded coconut. They were a huge hit!
I’m always a little ambivalent about serving dairy-free allergy-free desserts to people who are used to regular deserts. No worries with these cookies. I’ll definitely be making them again.
You are such a beautiful writer. I feel like I am there when you describe things, like your old house. Just beautiful. We are thinking about moving lately, and I think I will feel incredibly nostalgic for our current place once we leave. Its easy when you live there to only focus on the things that annoy you, but its those things and a lot more that I think you end up missing. What’s lovely is that you can keep the memories with you forever!
Those cookies look so incredible!! They remind me of Muddy Buddies, but waaay better!!
What a lovely post, Janae, and I’ve liked reading all of the comments too. I read recently about people who move abroad, and how first there’s the honeymoon period where everything is exciting and new. And then there’s a period of longing for home and a feeling of upheaval for what is different. That period can feel unsettling as you work out where you fit in this new place. Then they said the experience is repeated all over again when a person moves back to their former home.
We’re creatures of habit, and those habits give us comfort and solace. I was just on vacation for only about a week, and yet when I returned home I felt glad for my own couch, my own bed, making my favorite simple dinner on my own cutting board. The day to day routine of cat cuddling and whatnot makes me feel at peace.
I’m glad that your home is still waiting for you when the time comes that you can return to it. I hope that when that day comes it will feel like putting on a cozy, old pair of slippers that have been perfectly formed to fit you.
One more thing, whenever I feel a little homesick for another place, I hold my family close and think of that Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros song – Home is wherever I’m with you.
Thank you Cadry, for your lovely thoughts.
My favorite: “The day to day routine of cat cuddling and whatnot makes me feel at peace.”
It’s the very simple, day-to-day routines that give us such comfort & peace.
Hope you are doing well!
I have missed the places we’ve lived all for different reasons but mainly for the memories. But the house we live in now is the house I have connected with the most because it was such an awesome answer to prayer.
Your days sound so nice. I think it’s such a blessing that you get to walk Mali to school. Reading what you wrote about your house makes me miss it too;0) I remember watching that video you did about what was in your vegan kitchen and I remember the french doors, I thought those were so pretty and unique. I’m so glad you have the option of living there again, that makes it so much easier I’m sure; something you miss but also something to look forward to.
i think you go through stages of grief – and i especially miss different homes at different times of the year. i miss ohio in the spring when my magnolia and peonies would have fiercely bloomed. i miss michigan in the fall when the cranes would have been migrating across the sky in hundreds. i miss colorado in the winter when the snow would have been white and brilliant against the blue sky.
i think you make a hundred homes, especially in the military. it’s okay to grieve and to make a place for every home. it’s okay to realize you’ll like and relish some homes more than others.
it’s okay to go to your friend’s house and cry about it any time you want. or laugh. whichever feels right.
So sorry you miss your home….I get very attached to past homes and the memories they hold as well. Your days sound lovely, full, and ripe with opportunities to love, teach, and create special moments with your family. Love reading whatever you have to share!
Thank you Tanya! I appreciate your support.
“Your days sound lovely, full, and ripe with opportunities to love, teach, and create special moments with your family”
I LOVE how you put this. What a wonderful way for me to approach my days, because, yes, as you say, they are “ripe with opportunities.” What a blessing, indeed.
Your days sound lovely and quiet. I have a hard time imagining how you balance all of those schedules — at this point, you must have it all down to a science. But I have a difficult enough time trying to juggle my work and our two schedules, much less mine plus FIVE. You’re my hero.
I do completely understand what it’s like to miss a place you feel so connected to. When I lived in Portland, I desperately missed Boston. The first few weeks I was back, I walked around with a perma-smile! Now I find myself missing Portland too, which is okay because we’ll be visiting again soon. But I also miss Oahu and London in the same ways. I think whenever a place becomes home, no matter how many years you lived there, you leave a bit of yourself behind.
I never thought of my life as balancing 5 different schedules, but I think you have a point! I AM juggling a lot of schedules/needs/wants. A routine certainly helps (actually, it’s my lifeline) & having less on my plate also helps.
I’m glad you point out that it’s okay to miss a place, that you do leave a bit of yourself behind. It’s funny, because for about the first 3 months since we’ve been here, I hadn’t given our old home much of a thought. But recently, all of a sudden, I was awash with nostalgia, overcome with a deep sense of longing for my old home. As you point out, every place we’ve live can become a part of who we are. Again, love San An, but it’s very, very different from what I’ve always known.
(& I love the image of you walking around with perma-grin. #happy)