“Live your life by faith, not fear.”
I like this mantra. I try to live by it. But I have to be honest, I do have a few things that worry me.
My 5 big fears:
I will miss out.
I won’t be the mother I hope to be.
I will be in debt for the rest of my life.
I won’t live authentically.
I will let down people who love me.
♥♥
1. I will miss out.
I remember as a kid never wanting to go to sleep because I was afraid my older brothers & sisters (I come from a big, loud family) would make cookies & play games & I would miss out.
This fear still remains. Although instead of cookies & games, I fear that I will miss out on life. That there are books that I’m not reading that I should be. That there are people I’m not meeting that I should be. That there are talents I’m supposed to be developing that I’m not.
2. I won’t be the mother I hope to be.
There comes a point in the life of every mother where she is confronted with these hard truths: 1) She loves her children more than life, & 2) She is limited by time & space in executing that love.
I told Joseph once, that I’m glad we have several children. For a variety of reasons, but primarily because I have so much love in me, if I only had one child I fear I would have no other choice but to smother that child. I’m grateful I can spread out the love amongst four children.
Some days I wish I had a few nannies & a housekeeper. There are always more things to do in a day that can get done, & a few extra pair of hands & hearts would be helpful. One of the greatest challenges as mothers, is not in wanting to love our children, but in knowing how to best spend & allocate our time so that we have the energy required to give our children the love & attention they need.
3. I will be in debt for the rest of my life.
For the past 4 years, we have voluntarily gone into debt because of education. Student loans & credit cards have been our way of life, & I am tired of living this way. I’m thankful Joseph finally has a good career & steady income. But it is going to take us several years of intense, steady dedication for us to repay all our loans & get in a good place financially.
I don’t care what I have to do to get out from under the weight of debt. I loathe it, I hate it. As long as there is debt over our heads, we cannot live fully.
4. I won’t live authentically.
If you know me, you know that I want to know what’s right. I want to not only know what’s right, but what is right for me. And once I know that something is right for me, I go forward & I don’t look back. I want to be true to what I know, I want to live authentically.
I am not comfortable with doing something “just because.” I have to know for myself. My desire to live authentically & true is as great as my desire to eat & sleep. And this desire can sometimes be a bit maddening.
5. I will let down people who love me.
I do this thing when people call me. Before they even say a word, I think, “Oh gosh, what did I do now?” and I rack my brain of all the possible scenarios in which I failed them or messed up.
♥♥♥
What are your big fears?
I can relate with you in many of your posts and this one as well. All 5 points hit my fears and there are some more. #2 and #5 are the ones that are most current.
#2 relates to me because I am becoming a mother. I have two things I want to give my child: deep, unconditional love – which might be self-evident but believe me I have experienced that it is not – and be the safe and stable ground to which she can always come back to pause, collect strength in order to further explore and experience the world.
#5 relates to me because I was raised to take care of others before me. Now, I am learning to take care of myself in the first place and to get well and stable again. I actually had to hurt some people in this process. I felt very bad about it but then I did not do it on purpose but it resulted from some of their doings. I felt that my reaction was/is good for me because I am not trying to please everyone anymore which makes me more authentic and I finally find out who I am.
I could go on and on.
My biggest fears are that something will happen to my child, my husband, to me but I have been through many obstacles and I have learned that you can overcome almost anything – it might take some time/years but in the end and already on the way of healing many good and positive things will happen to you and will support you. You just might not see it at first.
You summed them up pretty accurately. I also fear losing my child or not being able to see him grow up, marry, have children etc.
Way to be real! A lot of them I can relate to…probably one of my biggest fears is being lonely, and of course the fear of the unkown is always a big one too. I try to remember to “cast all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you”
Girl, you do have guts. Love that you put out your five biggest fears for the world to see. 2,4, and 5 totally resonate with me. Especially that #2. I’ve been planning and hoping to be a mom as long as I can remember and here I am now, and I just don’t want to screw it up, you know? You are right in your comments to Zhanna that kids will grow up and make decisions of their own… Breathing room for all of us is so important. XO, MJ
Well I can relate to all your fears and a whole heap more. However I want to address you mothering concern. I tried to do everything right and I really thought I failed miserable. When my son and daughter went off the tracks as teenagers and got into sex drugs and rock and roll, as it were, I was devistated and started to wonder where I went so wrong. Then I realized I was the only person in this world who really loved them and I fought back with everything I had. My daughter is now 34 with 4 children of her own, married to a very successful wonderful man who provides for her and the kids in the most generous way. (Yesterday I was invited to grandparents night at their nursery school. They read stone soup and made a soup that all 20 children brought veggies for. Some of us made cookies. I made black bean brownies, vegan style, that was a total hit!) So I’m sharing with you that I am a part of her family. My son is living with a beautiful young lady that I just love to bits. She has a 7 year old son that my husband and I have totally embraced as our grandchild…my son holds down a union job with the local transit authority and is doing absolutely beautifully, despite being an adult adhd. My point here is that you will have some good days and bad days, Janae, but in the end the love and values and morals you inject into your children will come back to you 10 fold…don’t be afraid of motherhood, little one, you are a total natural!!!
Balance is what makes most of these things possible and who in the world knows how to achieve that? No one, you can’t get it right all the time.
You put your best foot/effort forward.
I think #2 strikes me the most. I have 3 kids and I fear that I won’t get it right and then the time will pass and I will have screwed up and there will be nothing I can do about it (sort of leading into #5).
I just pray each day that I have done what needed to be done and ask for guidance if there was a misstep that I took.
oh gosh, your fears sound exactly like mine.
1. I will miss out: I want to do EVERYTHING, do it ALL, learn it ALL, NOW! Sometimes I overwhelm myself with everything I want to do, and I have to remind myself to step back, breathe, and take it one day at a time.
2. I won’t be the mother I hope to be: While I don’t yet have kids, I am planning for them. A big part of what took me so long to be excited for them, or even to want them, is because I’m scared of screwing them up (they’re not even here yet!!). I suffered abuse and trauma as a child, and carried it with me for a long time. I guess because I never had great teachers, I was scared to be a bad one myself. Several years of counseling have helped me get past this, and I finally feel confident that I will be a great mom when the time comes.
3. I will be in debt for the rest of my life: I hate student loans. I hate seeing my statements of what is owed. But I keep reminding myself that I am investing in my future.
5. I will let people down who love me: I do the SAME THING as you!! I’m always scared I’ve let someone down, or hurt them without knowing. I even have nightmares about it…or about them hurting me.
*hug* It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I always feel like I can relate to your posts.
Janae, I’m with you on all of these (with the exception of the one on motherhood, only because I’m not a mother). I crave a life of authenticity as well, and this has become especially important to me over the past couple of years. James and I have a friend who works as a psychologist, whose favorite piece of advice is, “Life your truth!” I think that once you figure out what that is, authenticity is well within reach.
What a beautiful post. We all have those fears out of all them number 2 is the worst for me. However, I try to remind myself just to do my best.
XO,
Zhanna
What a great attitude. Motherhood is such an intimidating thing–no time off, such responsibility. I try to remember that kids are much tougher than we think we are, & even though our jobs are important, ultimately, they will grow up & make their own decisions & no longer be under my influence. We only have them for a short time–a humbling thought, indeed.
I’m with Ashlee: #5 is something I struggle with as well. My problem is that I give it to the world at large and there gets to be a point where “What if I do the wrong thing?” train of thinking inhibits me from doing anything authentically #4. Vicious circle.
Yes, it is a problem, isn’t it. It’s a balance though. To have enough self-awareness to be sure you’re not being rude, overstepping bounds. But I think we need to embrace failure (& learn from it), just as much as we embrace success. I’m still working on that one!
I thought I was the only one who had fear number 5! I blame it on teachers in school who only ever paid attention to you if you were in trouble. Every time Paul wants to have a “talk” I always think I am in trouble. He just wants help making decisions! Ha!
“Paul wants to have a “talk” I always think I am in trouble. He just wants help making decisions! Ha!”
I know, funny isn’t it? I’d also blame it on our overactive guilt-complex. If there’s one thing we do well, it’s feeling guilty!