You know this post is supposed to be about why I’m homeschooling. But really I have a feeling it’s going to be more about my feelings on being a mama.
(Next installment of the series will be more about the nuts & bolts of it all.)
One thing that women do really well is to feel guilt. I never want you to visit bring joy & leave feeling guilt or “less than.” You do that easily enough on your own, I’m sure.
I believe in a moral right, but insofar as many things in life go, there are a variety of different paths to take for so many choices where there is no moral “right.” The method of parenting, the vehicle or choice of schooling, the choice of when, if & how many children–these things take many different forms & what may be right for me & my family, might not be the thing for you or yours.
Also, I hesitate talking a whole lot about motherhood on the blog because I fear that much of the dialogue surrounding motherhood has become cliche, or trite. Or worse, pessimistic. And motherhood is far from that.
With that preface (I hope without being cliche or trite), I offer that a mother is a child’s greatest teacher. From the moment that child takes it first breath, to her first step, first word, a mother’s love & guidance is there & it’s powerful stuff. I know we nod our heads & say, yes that’s true! But do we, really, honest-to-goodness believe it & live it?
I am ambitious, I admit. In high school I was over the top. One of those really annoying girls who was in every club, & it wasn’t good enough to just be “in” the club. I had to be president or secretary, or whatever they would let me be.
I’ve always been driven to be something better than I am. Because at the core, I believe it is in doing that I find purpose. Also, I have a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy & the only way I know to shake it is to do. But motherhood teaches me to be. And there is a difference. To have purpose as a mother, I don’t have to do anything other than the simple act of being present for my kids.
To be female is hard. Not only do we have the menstruation/hormonal thing going on, we have society telling us we must be thin & gorgeous. Flawless skin, shiny hair, manicured nails & a designer purse.
The pull of career accolades is also fierce for the modern woman. No longer is it sufficient to be a woman, a sister, a wife, or mom. You must have a list of accomplishments outside of the home to back up your worth. It’s hard.
I have to be honest, I have professional goals. I’ve had a professional career in the fitness industry for some time, & am grateful for that because it showed me that jobs have their perks, but nothing compares to being a mom.
No one needs you, appreciates you, like your kids.
Still, as I’ve ventured into the blogosphere, it’s hard not to feel the enticements of the professional world. Other moms seem to juggle it all, why can’t I?
I’m grateful for all those years working while Joseph was in school & we were having our babies. There was some outside childcare involved, but mostly we rearranged our schedules so one of us was always at home with the kids. Working so much while my kids were (& still are) young, taught me that I don’t want to miss a thing, if I can help it. I promised myself, once I got a chance to be at home with them full-time, I would be at home with them.
So now I am.
I used to have a different life than the one I have now. Very different.
I was adjunct faculty at a university. I had students & I was paid to exercise. I listened to NPR every day in the car on the way to work. I read several newspapers every day. I interacted with many, many people whom I loved & admired. I had a lot of social interaction, engagement & plenty of positive reinforcement. I loved the jobs.
Now life is very different. In addition to living in a temporary location, I no longer teach or work for a paycheck. There’s very little social interaction with other adults, anyone really, aside from family get togethers & play dates.
I begin my days with my children. I spend my days with my children. I end my days with them, too.
I love being around my kids.
They are funny & they make me laugh. I love when they are close to me, their elbows into my ribs, & someone is always climbing on top of me.
I want to be a part of my children’s childhood. Not just as an observer, or a caretaker, but an active participant. So, you see, why I’m perfectly happy, delighted with my present situation. Difficult moments, tired days & all.
It excites me to teach them, to play with them. To be a part of the whole process of discovery.
I know not everyone may not feel similar to me about their kids. I think you no less a parent if you don’t feel the urge or drive to be so intimately involved in your child’s life & education. But I make no apologies.
I’m asked: so, are you going to home school all your kids forever?
Answer: I don’t know. I know for the next 3 months I will. Once we move to San Antonio in December, Joseph & I will re-access our family’s situation. We’ll access each child’s particular needs & progress & go from there. I’m open to all sorts of possibilities.
In the end: why do I home school?
Simple. It’s because I want to.
♥♥♥
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