love notes: a few words

{email to a husband, far away}

J– I just finished putting the kids to bed.  Hyrum was the last to go to sleep.  You know he hasn’t been feeling well.  He has a fever of 101.4.  He’s been whiny lately & it’s hard to deal with that.  Or at least to have patience, sympathy for it. I read the first 3 chapters of Danny Champion of World to the boys & Mali.  Hyrum loves it.  After one chapter I was through, but he begged for more.  I had to read more.  I can’t say no to that boy when he gets excited about reading.  It’s such a rare thing.  When I tucked him into bed he looked up at me & smiled.  The sweetest smile.  Oooh, it was cute & my heart melted for a moment.

The kids are all exhausted.  I’m exhausted.  It’s hard doing the job of two parents.  I should be in bed, but of course, I’m not.  There are still things to do before bed.  And I thought, maybe I could try to email you more frequently.  Maybe not daily–I don’t want to set myself up for failure.
I love the idea of snail mail letters, but as experience has shown, it takes forever.
Anyway, I’d love to have a bit more connection to you.  I miss you.  You’re the only person who really “gets” me.  I miss that.  I miss having you around to keep me grounded, to help me remember what it’s all about.  Because when you’re not around I just turn crazy-psycho work-aholic.  A stay-up all night, sort of lady.  Not good.  At least in the long term.  My natural tendency is to be a perfectionist.  When you’re around I don’t notice it as much (like I was saying about that whole grounded thing), but when you’re not here, I kinda let it grip me full force.  I do too much, sleep too little.  I’m happy you’re mine.  It thrills me to know you’re somewhere, sleeping soundly, & that you’re mine.
love you, X infinity.
–janae

Comments