let’s say yes to being real

Do you ever have days where you feel like this?

Salem isn’t shy about wearing her emotions on her sleeve.

 We know when she’s happy. And we definitely know when she’s not. No guessing games here.
While it wouldn’t be responsible for an adult to go around throwing fits and crying at random points throughout the day, when things aren’t going your way, don’t you just wish some days, you could?
I know for me, the thought is a tempting one.
While tantrums and bawl-fests, may not be an option, I think it’s important to remember I don’t have to have to wear a constant perma-grin either. It’s okay to NOT be happy all the time.
That said, no one wants to be around a curmudgeon.
It’s a balance, for sure, that balance of how to be real, without being a grump.
How to be your very best without being a perfectionist. That can be tricky.
Do you ever read parenting or women’s magazines and get irritated by the gorgeous, impeccable, smiling (always smiling) moms they so often have in advertisements for baby food or baby slings or what have you, and think, that woman is not a mom, or, that woman is not even real?
For me, it’s hard to connect with these women or even feel compelled to read these magazines. Instead of feeling inspired, I often feel guilty or “less-than.”
I know, maybe it’s my problem, not theirs.
But, I don’t think I’m alone. I think women too easily feel guilt, shame, inadequate, and unnecessarily so.
We need to be better at shunning ideas of perfectionism in all it’s forms, and instead, embrace an attitude of compassion, understanding, and acceptance.
I don’t have all the answers.
My house is often more messy than I’d like. I can see dust on my disorganized bookshelf as I write this, with Barbies and toy cars strewn on the floor, dirty dishes calling my name from an overcrowded sink.
On occasion, I’ve been known to take on too much.
I say yes probably more than I should.
I often don’t know the best way to “balance” work, housework, time with Joseph, and time with the kids.
I stress about money, the budget, making ends meet, gas prices. I wonder how long the engine of my “beater” 1997 Toyota Camry will last.
My children aren’t always exceptionally groomed.
In fact, sometimes we’ll go to the grocery store, and I’ll realize, in horror, that we have not combed Mali’s hair (which is a problem since it’s naturally curly) or that one of the kids is wearing mismatched socks. Then I just have to say, “oh well.”
I don’t sleep as much as I should. I don’t use a planner consistently. I’m not manicured and I rarely look like I stepped out of a J.Crew catalog (don’t I wish).
But. These shortcomings are part of life.
Perfectionism is out.
Empowerment, warts and all, is in.
Self-improvement: Yes!
Guilt, obsessiveness: No!
Key is, I want to do better. I know you do too. 
Let’s say yes to being real.
Yes to loving.
Yes to acceptance, even when it means letting go of tightly-held beliefs of how things “should be.”
Yes to occasional dirty windows, so you can have a second to cuddle with your baby or talk to your toddler, or sneak a moment with your husband.


  1. Whole Foods Vegan Momma
    on April 13, 2012 at 5:49 pm said:

    Becca: Thanks for the recommend, I'll definitely be checking that out! Makes me think these issues must be universal female themes.

  2. Becca
    on April 13, 2012 at 5:21 pm said:

    Great post! I`m reading the book "I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn`t). Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power" by Brene Brown at the moment. So true and deep, I can only recommend it. Relates to this post very much.

  3. Anonymous
    on April 13, 2012 at 1:16 am said:

    I can't wait to browse this site if i have some time this weekend. Thanks!lfwfv

  4. Melanie
    on April 12, 2012 at 7:13 pm said:

    This post reminds me of another post I just came across that reminds us moms that we don't have to have it all together to be "enough." Thanks!http://powerofmoms.com/2012/04/your-children-want-you/