I woke up this morning feeling terrific. I walked about 5ish miles and taught a 30 minute cardio class.
Before you draw any conclusions, the above is about all I will do today in terms of anything physical.
Well, not quite. I took my kids to the park, read them lots of books, and you know, “played” with them (made sure they were playing nicely and sharing while I laid on the couch and finished reading Harry Potter’s Chamber of Secrets. Yes, it is the first time I’ve read it, can you believe it?).
For a moment there, sometime after my walk and right before breakfast, I thought, “Oh no, am I still pregnant?” because I was feeling so GREAT! I’ve been so used to feeling a certain way ALL of the time. I’ve been feeling nauseatingly sick to my stomach awful. All-food-makes-me-want-to-hurl awful (especially, but not limited to anything that is a plant, particularly green vegetables and fruit. I know!), and I have the energy of half a comatose sloth.
So how does feeling this way play out on the self-worth of me, someone who previously prided myself in how much I can accomplish in a day. Gone are the days when I can say of the day, yes, I did the following: bike the all three kids to the swimming pool–one strapped to my back, the others pulled behind the bike in the stroller. Cleaned the house from top to bottom, and no, not a dish in the sink. Prepared three delicious well-rounded and balanced vegan meals (from scratch). Took the kids to storytime at the library. Mowed the lawn. Paid some bills. Spent some quality time with the husband. Whew, I know. Who is THAT woman. Certainly not the current me.
For the last month, I’ve survived. My husband has done all (I mean all) of the housework and food shopping and preparation, and takes charge of the kids whenever he’s not working. He’s the true superhero of this story. Me? I go to sleep whenever I can, lay around whenever I can, and when I’m not sleeping or laying, I’m trying to be a decent mother. I know, what I’m good for? Clearly, I’m only capable of making a baby and keeping myself alive.
But I see the light, in the not too distant future. Today I feel a smidgin better. Tomorrow hopefully will be better, the next day, better, until, one day, I will wake up and gloriously realize: I feel like a normal person again, and yes, I can eat vegetables now!
Speaking of which, you’re probably wondering (I cringe to think), what I have been eating lately. You know that my previous (pre-morning sickness) diet consisted mostly of veggies, fruit, starches (beans and whole grains). My current diet, well, just think the the complete opposite of that. Not much has changed from last post. Refined everything, no veggies or fruits, and as I’ve admitted before, a smattering of non-vegan foods like yogurt, cottage cheese, eggs, the list goes on…And should I mention, I’ve eaten at various not-exactly your vegan friendly fast food establishments like Arby’s, Taco Time, AppleBees, KFC, Kneaders, a local joint that sells sandwiches and artisan bread (love their bread I have to say).
Okay. I had some fish yesterday. Think of it this way, what do you eat if you can’t stomach veggies, fruits, or most whole starches (mashed potatoes one exception, although since I can’t cook, I’ve been eating the KFC kind)? Really. No way to stay vegan (in this state) and sane. So anyway, back to the fish. It was okay. But you know what? I don’t like eating these foods. It’s not like I’m secretly saying to myself, “oh I’m so glad I have this morning sickness excuse, now I can eat all of the juicy steaks and hamburgers my heart desires.” For the record, I’ve never liked steak or beef hamburgers. And eating some of the foods from omnivorous life, well, it only further solidifies my resolve to be vegan. I know, sounds funny. But I think I was just meant to be vegan. I’m crazy about vegetables, fruits, whole foods and don’t enjoy eating animals.
One other thing. There was a point, sometime, about a week ago where I said, I have to take something or I’m going to do something drastic. Not only was I completely depressed about living day after day in a wasted, stomach-flu like existence, I no longer felt like I could mentally wrap myself around the thought of trying to just suck it up and cope with it for an indeterminate amount of time. I’m au-natural girl, for sure, but after many attempts at naturally coping with the morning sickness, I said, I give up. Give me drugs. My CNM prescribed Fenigran, which incidentally I took once and decided, was not for me. It didn’t help the nausea, rather it knocked me out cold and drained me of the little energy I did have and caused me to be intensely sleepy. That didn’t work. Another disillusioning experience with medicine. I admit I was praying for a magic pill.
The one thing that is working, or I should say helping is taking a Unisom tablet (over-the-counter sleep aid) with 100 mg of vitamin b-6 every night. It makes the hardest part of my day (morning time) manageable, and while I still feel nauseated, it does take the edge off, at least for part of the day. I don’t have guilt for taking this (it’s considered safe to take during pregnancy by health care professionals and all the research I could find via Google). I took it during my second pregnancy as well.
Also, I really am hopeful. I ate some strawberries this morning and they tasted GOOD! It was first thing in the morning, and the thought of them now makes me want to, well you know. But still. I think things are looking up.
As you can see, I’m not superwoman. I almost thought I was, and then I got pregnant again. That little baby growing inside of me is sure showing me who’s boss!