Guilt, weight, & scales

I know there are some women out there, I have met them, who love all stages of their pregnancy, and quote, “have never felt better!” (even during the first trimester).

Folks, that is NOT me.

Pregnancy kicks my self-righteous nutritional butt and the morning sickness is forcing me to come to terms with my limits in a very humbling way.

All I want to do is sit around. All day long. Or lay around. I’m so unmotivated to do anything that requires movement. I’m still teaching fitness classes every morning, but thankfully, since it’s summer, I have a break from teaching at the university, so my schedule is a little more low-key. Yes, I have three little ones running around. But it’s summer and it couldn’t be a better time for this to happen. J, my husband is around more and has swooped in like the superhero he is to clean, take care of the kids, cook, and do all that my lazy, nauseated, behind is unable to do.

I used to be confident of my ability to make conscious, deliberate food choices that were healthy, good for the environment, animals, ect. Now, I’m eating whatever. Twix candy bars, frozen yogurt, fudgecicles, bean burritos & tater tots from Taco Time, veggie sausage, plain toasted bagels with tofutti cream cheese, eggs. I’m not actually proud of the foods I’ve been eating–they just happen to be only foods that seem to sound semi-palatable, rather then gut-wrenchingly repulsive (like anything green or raw).

On one hand, I’m appalled. On the other, I have intense guilt, and a little anxiety that I’m going to wake up one morning and have gained ten or twenty pounds overnight. So I’ve decided, no scales this pregnancy. If I weigh myself, especially during this stage where there’s nothing really to be done about my food choices, I’m just in survival mode, I’m going to go out of my mind. My midwife can inform me of my weight if it becomes a health issue. Otherwise, I’m just going to get through this nauseating (but blessed time, right?) period, which crossing my fingers, should last only a month or so more, then I will get back to eating the simple, whole plant foods I used to love.


Comments


  1. Wanna Be Vegan Mom
    on July 16, 2010 at 12:26 am said:

    I was just discussing with my friend (Who isn't a whole foods vegan momma) about how I'm going to start cutting myself some slack- it's like I can feel so guilty of eating one of my kid's potty candies, or when I slip up and give into my soda cravings (a Lot, lately) and I'm not even pregnant! We can just do the best we can with what we know and what we are able. So please, don't feel guilty, because your vegan junk food is still better than what most non vegan pregnant women eat…Me included for two pregnancies before making the switch. Congratulations, I hadn't read your blog in a while!

  2. Anonymous
    on July 14, 2010 at 1:41 am said:

    Thanks for being so honest I was starting to wonder if you were one of those super-woman who can manage it all! I am way more inclined to read your blog if it seems real. I am a mother of two small children and despite best intentions sometimes the eating whole food goal has to go in the too hard at the moment basket! Congratulations on your fourth pregnancy! Greetings from New Zealand.

  3. Sharalyn
    on July 13, 2010 at 4:16 am said:

    One summer when I was much younger I teased two of my friends for having babies in July/August. Guess what?!?! The very next summer I had Christi August 29th

  4. Melissa
    on July 11, 2010 at 5:31 am said:

    Sorry you're feeling so sick! Nausea is the worst and seems to take precedence over all previous goals. I had all sorts of aspirations to exercise my first trimester but after working all day I just had to lie down & be miserable! I won't admit how much pop I drank during my first trimester; I normally don't enjoy pop at all but it was the only thing that would settle my stomach. I definitely agree with this time being a survival mode; hopefully you'll be back to the foods you enjoy soon!

  5. Heather
    on July 9, 2010 at 9:57 pm said:

    Once the morning sickness settles, you'll be back to your old self. I just went through pregnancy and looking back, I wish I would have not stressed so much the first trimester about my lack of motivation and eating habits. Now everything is back on track and I realize it was silly to worry…it's only a season. 🙂

  6. Inkling
    on July 9, 2010 at 6:04 pm said:

    I'm glad I wasn't the only one dealing with that type of reaction to early pregnancy. I too felt guilty. There were days I could only stomach a virgin pina colada, and once I even begged my husband to buy me a slurpie from the gas station. I couldn't handle veggies for months. I lived on baked chips and saltines – anything crunchy and bad for me. And eggs? Oh yes, I was in the same boat with them that you are. Somewhere during the second trimester I began an addiction to watermelon (which I'm allergic to), and have kept that up even after birth. And then there were the multiple trips to a taco place each week (and we rarely eat out!). The best thing about it all was that I am forever freed from my love of milk chocolate. That aversion during pregnancy lasted, and that's good for me.We know you'll be around and back to being creative in the kitchen making yummy vegan foods after you get through this season of making an adorable baby. Blessings to you! Be gracious and gentle with yourself, and know that we totally understand. Meanwhile, we'll just be enjoying your archives and the yummy recipes you've shared in the past.

  7. Elise
    on July 9, 2010 at 1:31 am said:

    This might be my favorite post. Thanks. For being inspirational but necessarily human too.