Guilt, weight, & scales

I know there are some women out there, I have met them, who love all stages of their pregnancy, and quote, “have never felt better!” (even during the first trimester).

Folks, that is NOT me.

Pregnancy kicks my self-righteous nutritional butt and the morning sickness is forcing me to come to terms with my limits in a very humbling way.

All I want to do is sit around. All day long. Or lay around. I’m so unmotivated to do anything that requires movement. I’m still teaching fitness classes every morning, but thankfully, since it’s summer, I have a break from teaching at the university, so my schedule is a little more low-key. Yes, I have three little ones running around. But it’s summer and it couldn’t be a better time for this to happen. J, my husband is around more and has swooped in like the superhero he is to clean, take care of the kids, cook, and do all that my lazy, nauseated, behind is unable to do.

I used to be confident of my ability to make conscious, deliberate food choices that were healthy, good for the environment, animals, ect. Now, I’m eating whatever. Twix candy bars, frozen yogurt, fudgecicles, bean burritos & tater tots from Taco Time, veggie sausage, plain toasted bagels with tofutti cream cheese, eggs. I’m not actually proud of the foods I’ve been eating–they just happen to be only foods that seem to sound semi-palatable, rather then gut-wrenchingly repulsive (like anything green or raw).

On one hand, I’m appalled. On the other, I have intense guilt, and a little anxiety that I’m going to wake up one morning and have gained ten or twenty pounds overnight. So I’ve decided, no scales this pregnancy. If I weigh myself, especially during this stage where there’s nothing really to be done about my food choices, I’m just in survival mode, I’m going to go out of my mind. My midwife can inform me of my weight if it becomes a health issue. Otherwise, I’m just going to get through this nauseating (but blessed time, right?) period, which crossing my fingers, should last only a month or so more, then I will get back to eating the simple, whole plant foods I used to love.


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